You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
