someone get that fucking seahorse.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
