Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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