Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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