were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
honey bunches of taint.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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