i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Everything about him screamed your future.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
