8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
