peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
