There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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