it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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