Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize