eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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