The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize