i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
