I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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