i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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