are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
