Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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