Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
