I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I want to be your penis for a week.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize