that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
