i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
