It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize