he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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