YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
