we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
