If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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