I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
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