So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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