I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize