i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
