If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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