He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
