My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I supernannyed him into submission
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
