News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
