I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
