I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
