Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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