why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
