I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
