Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
