i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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