I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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