would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize
