We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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