I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Randomize
