I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
