can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
