one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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