tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
