Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
