Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
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