I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
