I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
