You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Randomize
