I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
