If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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