What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
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