someone threw a dead crab at me
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
