I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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