Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
