alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
