Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
