Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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