he wants to bone in the snuggie
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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