We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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