he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
