Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
You pole danced in your parka.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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